gordon ramsey: is the food good here?
underpaid server:
Gordon: How is the food here? What’s best to order?
Ill Treated And Underpaid Server, About To Purposefully Suggest The Absolute Worst Thing On The Menu:
chillin on a Saturday night
Calm down jojo
you’re right, I am looking a little stiff here, I should try to relax
You call that “chillin”?
Everyone knows the best way to relax is with a good book and a warm drink
I dunno, man,
sometimes I like just relaxing on my laptop
get on my level boys
Unfortunately to “get on your level” I’d need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes.
Thats gotta be the sickest burn ive ever read holy fuck
this post appears once every million years
I kept hoping someone else would one up me and I’d have to escalate even further but nobody has.
I don’t think it’s possible to one up you
Well, I mean, Garfield does care
Anyone who’s ever owned a cat knows that they have thier own ways to show they love you
An often overlooked thing about Garfield is between the snark and schemes, he’s really a loving kitty
I guess these aren’t as memorable as the wackier strips
But Jon can always count on Garfield to make him smile when it really matters
And Garfield knows that Jon cares
I swear, my cat is the same way, the below picture is an accurate portrait of how it is to have a dog and cat the same time.
Theory accepted
wholesome
It’s rare to see Garfield content on Tumblr that isn’t “Jon is a heartless monster” or “Garfield is some eldritch horror”
if you used to be an exclusionist, but now support aspecs, here’s some tips to let aspecs know that you’re trustworthy:
You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.
You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?
You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”
He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”
This one wins.
It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up. She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out. First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.
Clark’s introducing her around. “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”
You blink, and take a step back in fear. You’ve never seen an 11 before.
The day Bruce Wayne shows up for his long promised interview with Lois Lane, you can’t help it, the mug your holding drops from your fingers and sends a shock of hot coffee and ceramic shards across the floor.
Clark stops a few feet away and squints at you worriedly from behind those ridiculous glasses you’re 99% sure he doesn’t actually need, and asks tentatively, “Everything all right?”
You ignore him in favor of staring at the inky dark numerals hovering over the beaming fool gesticulating some fantastic yacht story for a gaggle of secretaries and minor columnists.
That’s it. Your gift has officially gone haywire. There is no other explanation. Because there is absolutely no way that Brucie Wayne is a 10.
At this point, you’ve seen it all. Miled manner reporters and billionaires at a 10 and a model-like woman at 11. You were really starting to doubt your power. The day you really stopped believeing in it was when Bruce Wayne came for another visit, and this time with a kid. The kid couldn’t be more than 10 years old, a bit on the short side.
He was an 8.
The day you started believing in it again was when you saw on tv the formation of something called the justice league.
There were those same numbers over superman, batman, wonder woman and robin. That’s when you put two and two together. You wonder how nobody at the daily planet noticed that Clarke was Superman with glasses. You wonder why you didn’t notice. You wonder why nobody put two and two together that Diana Prince and Wonder Woman looked exactly the same. You look in the mirror as the realization hit you and you see your own number change from a 3 to a 9.
I don’t think I’ve ever actually reblogged this magnificent post and that’s shame.
I can’t stand all this talk about Alexa being a wiretap, that is a gross misrepresentation of the purpose of devices like Alexa and their function in our lives. if it’s not intercepting phone calls through some connection to your phone line, it’s not a wiretap and it’s not wiretapping.
the correct terms for a covert listening device are bug and bugging.
THANK you.
